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Thoughts.

            So, people talk to each other. Maybe sometimes they talk to themselves alone. On their way to work in their car or hidden at the back of the bus, thinking no one can hear, trying to sort things out. Tired of the loneliness inside their head. Creating other people, other voices, to be there for them. They need it. At least, they believe they do, truly. Considering how strange it is, you’d think they wouldn’t even try. But loneliness is much worse than stigma, that’s for sure, and no ugly stare from some random stranger is ever going to stop them from calming their echoing void inside. You’d be surprise what the voices have to say sometimes, they’re quite amusing when they try. Sometimes they don’t, and it’s quite daunting to even try listening. Or giving them a voice to begin with.             You’d think talking like that makes people insane, or that they must be insane to talk to themselves to begin with. Maybe not. Maybe they’re the sane ones. Don’t you think? Maybe not
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Chapter 03. Incoherence.

What do I have to say that makes sense? Through all of these last few days, I haven’t had a steady or core feeling. Maybe that one thing is important, or maybe that other one, actually, maybe all of them are, but how do I make sense of it all? How do I even bring them together in this entity that is me? What is meaning? Who am I? As a person, what really defines being myself? I’ve tried so much to find out these past few months, pushing aside this “fake” self. Or is this persona still part of me and I’ve just become more of certain people through growth?   I was at this wedding, a few years ago with my then partner, and it was one of these religious ones, so a lot of what you could do was limited down to eating and talking. Now, I was extremely tired. I think both me and my brother and our fellow partners were, you know, being used to staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning and waking up well into the afternoon. Being summer and all, holiday or sorts, routine was gone through the wi

Chapter 02. The next page.

I want to carry on, write more and more about my life, but after that first chapter, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. When I started writing that, a few days ago, I never intended to publish it and make it available for everyone to see, especially for some people from my family. I’ve started it as a form of therapy, to help myself understand more of me, so I’ve poured some really deep experiences in, and wrote them down. At the end, I think it was 2 or 3 in the morning, and I got the idea of actually making it public. Don’t get me wrong, there’s so much in here that I would love to share with some people, and during the entire process, I felt some parts were almost like a dedication. I’ve been contemplating about what chapter 02 should be about ever since that went live. Now I know people will read. Do I hide? Do I talk about something else so I’m not repetitive? What do I do, and how do I renew this courage to lay myself bare for everyone to see again? So I decided to s

Chapter 01. What I think

I think I’m not as good as I thought. This entire hero persona that I think most of us have is crashing slowly. I’m afraid of it happening, I try to avoid it with everything I have most of the time. But nothing seems to work. Even more so, the more I avoid it, the sadder I become. There’s a story about this. I was in this car with a, I would call friend at the time, from the church I was frequenting. We were having this long conversation about our lives while he was driving to china town to buy some freshly baked bread. We sat in that car park for a while talking and I mentioned that, while going on about my life, I ignored what god told me to do, and resisted it. However, after a while, I became depressed, too exhausted to resist and keep on doing my own thing, so I decided to finally cave in and do what god has initially told me. I can’t possibly recall right now, but it was a high chance of being about my girlfriend at the time. He immediately interjected how such occurrences

My own

I betray myself every day, I keep managing to get in my own way I’m full of pain and I don’t know how to heal myself. It’s excruciating at times. The only presence I feel within myself is pain and sadness. As if the screams of the universe are echoing my own. I live forever scarred in this existence I call home. For now, at least, I must survive through this confusion And shatter this reality that is, in fact, just an illusion As if the shinning sun is mirroring my brightness, That I have forgotten deep inside, living in my sadness. Until I learn the ways my soul has made for me: To shine brighter than the stars, from here to infinity And yet, I write, unaware of my own true nature Walking in the dark, so slowly, evolving for my future. When these words will be a beautiful reminder Of the reason I’m here, to simply meander. As if these words, written today on this paper Are showing me the way to become something greater To become myself, as I

Stele

Nu mai străluciti, voi, stele? Unde vă e-acum lumina? Prin miliardele de ere Vi sa ars din voi făclia.. Nu mai strălucesti, tu, soare? Și să arzi aprins, ca focul? Dup-atația ani de zile Ți-ai pierdut și tu azi locul.. Dar tu, inimă ce-ai fost aprinsă Nici un soare, nici o stea Din univers desprinsă Nu iți intrecea lumina Dar, De tristețe-ai fost cuprinsă Și de patimi ai fost stinsă.. Și sa stins din mine soare Și sa stins din mine stea Invinsă. Nu rămane dacât șoapta O făclie ruginită Nu rămane decat noaptea O făcile rătăcită Dar, de unde vine focul? Și de unde vin și stele? Și de unde își au locul, Dorul și patimile mele. Și se-aprinde, mă cuprinde Dragostea de dinainte O făclie, de iubire, Arde-acum adânc în mine Fără de oprire.

A dream.

Patrick has called. Elric did something again, and this time, it wasn't  something trivial from his tone. I pulled up my car in the alleyway in front of the old stone mansion that once belonged to Patrick’s employer, hoping this matter wouldn't  make things so much worse than they actually are. A half bald man in his sixties exists the house to meet me followed by three beautifully dressed young girls. “I hope your trip wasn't  too unpleasant” said Patrick, smiling at me. His smile however, showed no hint of being upset. It would seem his quarrel with Elric couldn't  have been that much of a problem after all. “I would like you to meet the girls.” As soon as he uttered those words, the oldest one takes a step forward; “My name is Angela” “Hello Angela” I reply while shaking her hand. “I.. “ she mutters “have bloodluss” I stumbled in my words. That was Eric’s disease and, as far as I know, only transmitted through blood. Or sex. I smile, sweat star