Things my mind makes up.

            So, people talk to each other. Maybe sometimes they talk to themselves alone. On their way to work in their car or hidden at the back of the bus, thinking no one can hear, trying to sort things out. Tired of the loneliness inside their head. Creating other people, other voices, to be there for them. They need it. At least, they believe they do, truly. Considering how strange it is, you’d think they wouldn’t even try. But loneliness is much worse than stigma, that’s for sure, and no ugly stare from some random stranger is ever going to stop them from calming their echoing void inside. You’d be surprise what the voices have to say sometimes, they’re quite amusing when they try. Sometimes they don’t, and it’s quite daunting to even try listening. Or giving them a voice to begin with.             You’d think talking like that makes people insane, or that they must be i...

What do I have to say that makes sense? Through all of these last few days, I haven’t had a steady or core feeling. Maybe that one thing is important, or maybe that other one, actually, maybe all of them are, but how do I make sense of it all? How do I even bring them together in this entity that is me? What is meaning? Who am I? As a person, what really defines being myself? I’ve tried so much to find out these past few months, pushing aside this “fake” self. Or is this persona still part of me and I’ve just become more of certain people through growth?   I was at this wedding, a few years ago with my then partner, and it was one of these religious ones, so a lot of what you could do was limited down to eating and talking. Now, I was extremely tired. I think both me and my brother and our fellow partners were, you know, being used to staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning and waking up well into the afternoon. Being summer and all, holiday or sorts, routine was gone through th...

I want to carry on, write more and more about my life, but after that first chapter, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. When I started writing that, a few days ago, I never intended to publish it and make it available for everyone to see, especially for some people from my family. I’ve started it as a form of therapy, to help myself understand more of me, so I’ve poured some really deep experiences in, and wrote them down. At the end, I think it was 2 or 3 in the morning, and I got the idea of actually making it public. Don’t get me wrong, there’s so much in here that I would love to share with some people, and during the entire process, I felt some parts were almost like a dedication. I’ve been contemplating about what chapter 02 should be about ever since that went live. Now I know people will read. Do I hide? Do I talk about something else so I’m not repetitive? What do I do, and how do I renew this courage to lay myself bare for everyone to see again? So I decided to s...

I think I’m not as good as I thought. This entire hero persona that I think most of us have is crashing slowly. I’m afraid of it happening, I try to avoid it with everything I have most of the time. But nothing seems to work. Even more so, the more I avoid it, the sadder I become. There’s a story about this. I was in this car with a, I would call friend at the time, from the church I was frequenting. We were having this long conversation about our lives while he was driving to china town to buy some freshly baked bread. We sat in that car park for a while talking and I mentioned that, while going on about my life, I ignored what god told me to do, and resisted it. However, after a while, I became depressed, too exhausted to resist and keep on doing my own thing, so I decided to finally cave in and do what god has initially told me. I can’t possibly recall right now, but it was a high chance of being about my girlfriend at the time. He immediately interjected how such occurrences...