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Emotion

    I feel like there is something fundamentally broken within me, something I feel I need in order to survive this world, to survive life.

     And yet, I don't know what it is.

     I don't know what pushed my heart to the brink of extinction every time I feel something. Every time I get remotely close to someone that feels like me. 

     I thrive in emotion.

     Without it, I am no one. A lifeless entity amidst the dead in our shattered society.
Yet all I feel is pain. My pain
                              Their pain

     I would sometimes crawl into the first safe place I saw and scream. Cry my emotions away.
It happens a lot.
Too many times, I would say.

     But, weirdly, I enjoy it, knowing that this is me. A broken me, yes, but I have no masks here. I am free. 
Stopping it feels like murder. 

     Yet, often, I'd stop and feel nothing again. Like a safe door that has finally been locked and all that pain is now somewhere I cant reach.
I dont understand.

     Why?
Am I broken to the point where my mind cant withstand my emotions?

     I wonder. 
For me, emotion is living, so I throw myself in it. I let it control me without a second thought. 
For only then, in that chaos and confusion I feel I have a purpose. 
For only then, in that pain, I feel like my life isnt a waste.


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